Saturday, April 20, 2013

The DeanBear Manifesto (Part 2)

Yes, I thought that I explained myself in the the original manifesto, but I have, in the words of George Carlin, ”I don't have pet peeves; I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.”  This explains some of them.
Clothes whores…I am pretty much a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy.  Yes, jeans and t-shirts all the time.  Work, shopping, visiting the family, going to my therapist, going to a social event.  Jeans and t-shirts.  The only time I get into any kind of semblance of getting dressed up, it’s a major life changing event.  Like getting me married, going out to dinner to celebrate my sister’s anniversary, going to a funeral. I don’t “dress for success.”  I am very much a blue collar guy, I don’t give a flying fuck if you shop at Abercrombie & Fitch, Urban Outfiitters, Areopostale, or any other “trendy” clothing store.  Guess what, you’re paying too much for clothing.  Most of the time, I buy my clothes at Walmart.  (There was a time in the early 2000’s when I shopped at Old Navy, but I got over it.) When I am at work, it’s the company t-shirt and jeans that I bought from Ollie’s.  (Heavy duty carpenter jeans that were cheap and wear well, and have pockets that I can put my utility knife, marker, and pen into.  I clip my two-way radio and my tape measure to my beat ass belt.)  For those who look down at me for not being “trendy,”  FUCK YOU!
The news media…with the recent tragedies in Boston and West, Texas, the news channels are creaming all over themselves with the blood and carnage that has happened.  Tragedy is NOT entertainment.  It is what it is, people being injured and dying because some sick fucks decide to take a happy occasion and “make a statement,” or a company not taking basic safety precautions.  To quote Don Henley’s “Dirty Laundry:”  ”We got the bubble headed bleach blonde who comes on at five… She can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam in her eye.”  The fucking mainstream media is a joke, all they are doing is pandering to a public that feeds off pain and suffering.
Fan boys…I posted this on my Facebook timeline about five hours before the Boston Marathon bombings:
”Finally home after the company meeting...the worst part was sitting right across from me on the OCC cattlecar...a full-blown Doctor Who nerd...t-shirt with Matt Smith on it, Dalek buttons on his fedora, and he carried a replica of a SONIC-FUCKING-SCREWDRIVER in his coat...guess he was an OCC student. He's lucky I was listening to George Carlin's "You're All Diseased" on my smartphone. I caught the tag end of his conversation with another OCC cattle, he was prattling on about how he is gonna make a Doctor Who fan film and put it on YouTube...fer chrissakes, I have flirted with fandom myself (I was a proto-Trekkie) but this guy, hands down, was a total winner/loser in the nerd sweepstakes. OMFG...I am so glad that I am home, being exposed to that much nerdiness makes me wanna hurl.”  Pretty self-explanatory, yes?

Okay, I have ranted enough…maybe I will have more rants in the future, but I had to get this off my chest…this is DeanBear signing off.
©2013, Mattydale Pictures Television, all rights reserved.

Friday, February 08, 2013

The DeanBear Manifesto


Most of the time, people on Facebook and in real life see me as this slightly off-kilter middle-aged gay man.  That is not who I am.   Just like Transformers, there’s more than meets the eye.

  • I am a linear thinker.  I am the guy who reads the directions when confronted by a piece of equipment, a product that needs assembling, how to prepare food.  Directions are there for a reason, to ensure that you can use the equipment effectively, that the product is assembled to specs, and how the food comes out palatable. 
  • I am adaptable.  Sometimes there comes a time where I do have to “think outside the box” when confronted by an issue that I haven’t dealt with before. 
  • I am not afraid to ask someone to help me with a problem, whether it is personal or professional.  I am not the type of person to “suck it up and hope for the best.”  Usually, there is someone who has dealt with that problem before, and can propose a solution. 
  • I can be impatient when confronted by people who are and continue to be clueless. 
  • I am not afraid of modern technology, as a matter of fact, I embrace it.   Modern technology has made things a lot easier for us as a whole.  Yes there are people in the world who don’t have the advantages of modern technology that we do here in America, but the rest of the world is catching up. 
  • Yes, I smoke and drink.  That is personal choice on my part.  I don’t let other people shame me into changing my behavior.  If I feel a change is needed, I will make the decision to change. 
  • I am open about my sexuality.  I came out of the closet 14 years ago, and it was worth it.  Some people are uncomfortable about it, but that is who I am.  Look beyond the fact that I am married to a man, and look at me for what I am, a productive member of society.
  • I am a pragmatist.  I do not speculate, I do not use blind faith to make choices.  I need facts to make decisions.  I don’t believe in something until I have proof that I should believe in it.  I am an advertiser’s worst nightmare.  I don’t buy a product because someone says it will make my life better.  I have to believe that it will have some benefit to me.
  • Yes, I have a smartphone (but not an iPhone, I haven’t tasted the Apple Kool-Aid.)  It’s a useful device, but I am not addicted to it.  I am not on Facebook constantly when I am mobile.  As a matter of fact, when I am at work I turn off my phone (per company policy.)  If someone really needs to get hold of me, I have an emergency contact number they can call.  Otherwise, leave a voicemail or a text. 
  • I am an atheist.  I stopped believing in a “higher power” a long time ago.  Religion is a construct made by men,  to sway the thoughts of the masses into believing that there is something more beyond the mortal plane, and to force people to do something that antithetical to human nature.  Look at all the wars that have been started “in the name of God.”  (If you want a science-fiction take on that, read “Dune,” the classic science-fiction novel by Frank Herbert.  It’s a good read, and it does give you a glimpse into what happens when dogmatic faith comes into play into shaping society.)
  • Yes, I respect other people’s right to worship.  It’s all about personal choice.  I am not going to deride someone for believing in a “higher power.”  Just as long as you don’t try to cram your religion down my throat, I won’t show contempt for your beliefs. 

Now, some of my pet peeves.  Be afraid, be very afraid.

  • People who talk in a loud voice on their cellphones on the cattlecar (aka public transit.)  Listen, assholes…I don’t want to hear you arguing with someone, or bitching about your baby’s daddy, or about the problems you’re having with social services.  Talk in a normal voice. 
  • People who obsess about things.  Like Trekkies.  I like Star Trek.  I watch the re-runs once in a while.  I liked the JJ Abrams reboot.  But I don’t let it define my life.  (Full disclosure:  I do have autographed photos of John DeLancie (Q) and William Campbell (The Squire of Gothos/Koloth) but that was back when I was a proto-Trekkie.)  And DON’T get me started on Star Wars fandom…I know that Han shot first.  End of discussion.
  • Contemporary music.  Let’s face it, I am a classic rock animal.  I would rather listen to Pat Benetar over Lady Gaga, Carly Rae Jepsen, or Katy Perry (although Firework is a very uplifting song.)  Justin Bieber?  I would rather to listen to The Prodigy’s “Smack My Bitch Up.”
  • The “iPhone/iPad” culture.  Let’s face it, assholes.  You’re locked into an ecosystem that is defined by ONE VENDOR (Apple.)  They have locked you into an endless upgrade cycle.  That is why my husband and I have Android phones.  If we decide to change to a different device, there is more than one choice out there.  We have phones made by HTC.  But I may change to phones made by Samsung (which I like) or Motorola, or LG.  I want the choice. 
  • “Foodies.”  My philosophy on food is, if I can eat it without throwing up, it’s a win.  To me, food is fuel.  I keep my dietary choices simple.  I am happy eating a big bowl of Corn Chex and some toast in the morning.  I don’t need a complicated omelet.   That is why I don’t watch FoodTV.

This is a glimpse into the mind of DeanBear.  Are you still sane?


© 2013, Mattydale Pictures Television, all rights reserved.